I am very aware that 17 days is nothing compared to a lot of other families where one partner might work away for months at a time. And of course to any single parent out there, doing every single day and night shift. Facing the constant unknown of what\u2019s next, making all the decisions sometimes in the blink of an eye if the situation demands. Powering through it. I just don\u2019t know how. You are the rockstars, truly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Importantly, before I go on, I am acutely aware that the odd bit of solo parenting is NOT, I repeat NOT, the same as single parenting. Got that? If you know a single parent, whatever age the kid(s) are, offer a hand. Perhaps a marigold laden couple, to do the washing up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
First thing\u2019s first, leave your expectations at the stairgate.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The BEST, the only<\/em> way to get through it is to loosen up on those expectations. You know the ones\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Tomorrow I am going to: have a shower\/prep a meal\/do some yoga, sort ALL the washing out, book the dog into the vets, phone mum, clean the bathroom, sort a pile of charity shop stuff out, make a coffee, do some writing, clear up the dog poo, do a grocery order, hoover WHILE SHE NAPS\u2026..<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026.THEN we will do lunch – I\u2019ll rustle up something really nutritious and amazing for her (read: something I planned and wrote down the night before as otherwise I cannot relax) and then given her amazing nap this morning we\u2019ll go for a walk\/to the park\/to the supermarket\/to see mum and dad\/run some errands and get home in time for a potential second nap, if she fancies one. Or she can happily do one in the car perhaps\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026.THEN we\u2019ll have a play in the garden, maybe we\u2019ll walk the dog and I will find many moments in time where I manage to keep the house clean and tidy so that when we\u2019ve completed mission dinner, bath and bed I will come down to a calm space for me to sit in for a moment while I make myself a quick and nutritious dinner around 8pm with a nice glass of wine to toast myself before lighting a relaxing candle.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Silly mummy. Her nap(s) could:<\/strong> And then you know what happens? She naps for 2.5 hours but you were too scared to start any of the above as SHE COULD WAKE UP AT ANY TIME AND I\u2019M THE ONLY ADULT IN THE PREMISES TO SEE TO HER. And you didn’t dry your hair in that whole time so you look like a fucking demented person so you\u2019re not ready to face the world anyway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, sometimes things do go to plan or there was no plan at all but things all fell into place by some sort of bloody cherry topped miracle and the world is full of wonder and you\u2019re pretty sure people you pass in the street are going to high five you any minute now for rocking the shit out of the day. But alas, no one notices, obvs. Which is a shame and a frequent sigh inducer when you’re doing things alone. You would love a little \u2018well done\u2019. Just a small one. Even just a whisper of one or one that comes out with a snotty sneeze\u2026 \u2018keep going mumma\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n So what\u2019s a solo parent supposed to do?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are some things I have done, but I am still learning and will gladly accept tips because reminder: no one knows what they are doing, not really. Some days we cry and can\u2019t wait for bedtime, some days we have a little more energy and we should be wearing a cape, woe betide anyone who gets in our way. That\u2019s right\u2026\u2019woe betide\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the 18 month mark though, things are so much easier. All ways round. If she\u2019s not in a leap or teething or ill or SOMETHING ELSE, then she will happily go through the kitchen cupboards pulling out saucepans and tupperware til her strong little heart\u2019s content while I whizz about clearing and wiping and prepping things. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Someone once said to me that it doesn’t get easier as they get older, it gets different. I think it\u2019s a mash up of the two though. Some things are definitely easier\u2026and then you see her climbing up on to a chair she couldn’t reach just 5 minutes ago and now she can and time stands still as you bound into action to be there if she falls\u2026but so as not to alarm her so that she falls. Oh god.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Anyway, here it is. Some ways in which I cope. Sort of. Sometimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Make breakfast at dinner time<\/strong> Save the \u2018fun\u2019 chores up<\/strong> Set up future situations ahead of time<\/strong> Get used to evening showers<\/strong> Things in cupboards are fun aren’t they?<\/strong> Confuse – sorry, stimulate – them<\/strong> Also don\u2019t throw shoe boxes, egg boxes, junk mail away immediately. These are priceless \u2018toys\u2019 that you can drop on the floor for a few minutes grace before they are boring and you emptying the dishwasher is much more fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t make plans<\/strong> Instead\u2026call on the day, when you\u2019re already sort of ready to leave and say \u2018fancy a visit?\u2019 and make their day that way \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n Make plans<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ok, stay with me. Sometimes if all things align, baby is well, you’ve got some oomph, then making plans can be just the trick. A morning out, an afternoon out, a full day trip. Whatever feels right, achievable and without all the expectation of it going perfectly. If you can hit the notes on a day like that you will feel like Mariah Carey at Christmas time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Give daddy\/your partner some ways to help prior to their departure<\/strong> Cheat on the things that make you super stressed<\/strong> Agree some time off, ahead of time<\/strong> I think that\u2019s it for now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Bottom line is, it can be<\/strong> hard. It can be<\/strong> utterly gruelling. And unless someone else has done it, they just won\u2019t get it. It might be hard for them to imagine just how draining and tiring it can be. It can\u2019t be that bad right? But, it is. It can be. As is the way with parenting, some days are relatively easy and others are brutal. And you need rest too. You are important, your happiness is ultimately their happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, maybe I\u2019ve mentioned it before? Once or twice? Ok, possibly 1,367 times; my husband has a job that sees him travel a fair bit. Sometimes long haul, sometimes closer to home. Things get plonked in his diary, sometimes at short notice. And thank goodness, as those things have single handedly paid the bills for much longer than expected given our baby needed heart surgery at the time when I was due back to work\u2026However, I digress. Elodie was weeks old when his first trip came around and to be honest I am not 100% sure I was with it. She scared me, the responsibility felt mega, I felt so under qualified in something that was meant to be so natural and my god I felt alone, especially with no family help. Relaxing felt like a dream, floating a million miles away as I incessantly watched her breathe, as I tried and failed to keep on top of the washing, dishes, everything. But we got through it. The longest stint I\u2019ve done alone has been 17 days. She\u2019s now 18 months and what with her unexpected heart surgery a few months back, my anxiety and neediness has really peaked, which […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3115,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[640,1],"tags":[488,894,892,893],"class_list":["post-3112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenthood","category-uncategorized","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-hacks","tag-solo-parenting","tag-toddler-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n
a) be non existent, especially if she’s toying with the idea of dropping one for good or she\u2019s teething, or it\u2019s too hot or SOMETHING ELSE
b) be 30 mins short. She might not do a second nap. She might wake up with a new tooth pushing its way through her little gums which is creating MERRY PISSING HELL for her. You\u2019re out of sweet potatoes which screws the nutritious lunch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If your small one has the same-ish grub for breakkie each morning like mine does, is it one you could make the night before and pop in the fridge? While Elodie is making an absolute tip of her high chair, chomping on the final dregs of her dinner, I whip a bowl out and start making her breakfast of soaked oats; oats, milk, chopped fruit, chia seeds, cinnamon. DONE. I cover it and put it in the fridge. And in that moment, I am invincible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are there any chores that your little one loves to get involved in? I used to use her nap times to do all of those, like put the washing on, emptying shopping bags of groceries etc. But Elodie bloody loves these so sometimes I save some up for when she\u2019s awake and needs entertaining. Especially if it\u2019s raining outside and we are largely stuck in for the foreseeable. Or if the mounds of dirty washing are literally toppling over I\u2019ll of course put one wash on while she naps but leave it in the machine for her to help pull out afterwards. She\u2019s actually becoming quite useful with some chores – lolling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like, bath and bed time. When she\u2019s napping I might – if I remember – think about the craziness of what\u2019s to come later that day and make sure her toothbrush is clean from the morning brush, that we have a clean towel and a wash cloth in the bathroom and some clean PJs on my bed to wrestle her into after said bath. Just those little things can make a big difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes I forgo the morning shower so dreamily desired because she\u2019s woken up and is chanting \u2018mamamamamama\u2019, has thrown her bunny out of the cot and I need to get downstairs to feed the dog, let him out for a wee, heat her milk up\u2026and maybe go for a wee myself? If she ends up doing a morning nap I could and sometimes shower then but sometimes that feels too late and I just want to get on with things instead (read: make a coffee the size of my head). Also though, evening showers are kinda delicious in their own little way. If done immediately after baby has gone down for the night, you get yourself in your PJs\/dressing gown and just lounge the shit out of the evening (once you\u2019ve cleaned everything, made yourself dinner etc etc etc ETC ETC ETC ETC). Or just before bed where you have a lovely hot shower and then get straight into bed and it\u2019s glorious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We have a few kitchen cupboards left un-babyproofed and although in some ways that\u2019s annoying, it is a great source of entrainment for the small person. Pulling everything out, suitably spreading them all over the kitchen floor. And now, new to this week, clambering IN to the cupboards and sitting on a shelf with a look that says \u2018and what of it?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Baffle your little cherub by changing things round overnight. I moved some toys from her playroom to the front room and vice versa and this kept her amused for approximately 12 more minutes the next day before she needed to cling to my leg again (we were in a leap, it was clingy craziness which you have to just go with. They need you).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The amount of times I\u2019ve said to my mum and dad that I\u2019ll \u2018pop round Thursday when she wakes from her nap\u2019 and then she does a mammoth one and by the time I’ve got out the door and contemplated the amount of time i\u2019d actually be able to spend with the folks before it\u2019s near her friggin\u2019 dinner time, added to the thought of constantly rushing around which appeals to me as much as a steak sandwich (don\u2019t eat meat do I), well, I just have to make my excuses and cancel. Which makes me feel guilty. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Get daddy to take some ownership of food making before he goes – John whizzed up a sweet potato chilli before he went away last time and we froze it as an option for one of babies meals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cheat on things that you know cause you extra stress when you\u2019re alone and it\u2019s all. too. much. Mine is toddler food prep and nutrition. So on the really hard days, the ones where you cannot believe you\u2019re still able to keep your head upright, I go to my trusty friends Tilda Rice and Mr Organic pasta sauce for her lunches\/dinners. AND THAT\u2019S OK. I\u2019ll mix some steamed fish and veg in with them and dinner my sweet little lady, is served. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One thing I need in my life just now is to KNOW when I might get a break. I need that shit in my diary. And this is something him indoors and I really need to get better at. I guess it sort of acts like a light at the end of the tunnel if you know that after a stint of solo parenting there will be a day\/half a day\/30 mins. Agree it. Schedule it. Stick to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.vickygooden.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/IMG_3337-2.jpg?resize=384%2C512\")
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