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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nNow Elodie requests to go out in the garden every day. I know this will seem like such a normal thing to some but before lockdown we\u2019d mainly get our outdoor fix in the local woods or parks. But with the recent balmy weather, we\u2019ve largely spent these early summer days out there, paddling pool filled, toys strewn across the lawn. At times it has felt holiday-like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But the \u2018simple life\u2019 highs really do continue to play footsie with the worrisome lows and my ability to live in the now really has been tested. Like what part of this fucking rollercoaster are we even on now? Have we passed the sheer drop? Have we bombed into the pitch black bit and are about to emerge into a new, bright, exciting twist?<\/p>\n\n\n\n To avoid this post cascading into a full on dissertation, here are some other bits of note:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some things do remain the same though, but perhaps are heightened due to the LD. Here\u2019s one. Every single morning and in fact every single night my overarching thoughts are those of food. What the hell are we all going to eat tomorrow? Especially Elodie. I\u2019m not hugely excited when it comes to thoughts of making stuff and this is largely because there is not a hope in hell that we have all the ingredients needed if I do find a new recipe that appeals. And with our new efforts in eating the same stuff, together, just defrosting batched stuff we\u2019ve made her previously sort of doesn’t fit with this new approach. Note to future Vicky reading this back: NONE OF THIS MATTERED DID IT?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Structure appears to be something that has gone out of the window in so many respects due to lockdown. Although I have tried and been intermittently successful in embracing this in some ways and have found such fun in just rolling with the days, it has tested John and I. John\u2019s paid gigs have largely been put on ice until sporting events are more safely up and running so we have found ourselves tussling over limited time where we can both \u2018work\u2019 on other shit. This has obviously led to thoughts of \u2018Who\u2019s in charge today?\u2019 with regards the small person and \u2018Why don\u2019t my needs exist as much as yours? Just because I don\u2019t have a job just now doesn’t mean I don’t have a need to work. And \u2018work\u2019 could be writing for my own friggin\u2019 blog or sorting out the car insurance. Or looking for some new sandals!\u2019 Good point well made I thought, that last one? We\u2019ve ended up sort of tripping over one another a bit as we shuffle around the house unclear on who is doing what or where our time and attention could be most efficiently directed. I\u2019ve been accused of losing his sunglasses (they were in the pocket of HIS jacket in the laundry basket), he\u2019s been the unknowing receiver of unfavourable hand gestures behind his back as he went out to enjoy a lovely run. It seems either I am in charge or John is. We\u2019re not really combining efforts that much unless we have a proper plan for the day. But we are doing our best and will probably come out of this as more of team than ever before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am realising though just how lucky I am and grateful for the fact that Elodie will happily go to nap time or bedtime with either of us putting her down. I know families where the onus of this sits largely with mum. But hearing John on the monitor do the voices to The Gruffalo or chatting to Elodie about her not having boobs yet – HAHAHAHAHAHA, her fave conversation piece at the moment – is probably one of my favourite things. As well as nabbing back a precious 20 mins to clear up the dinner from the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This week we received an update from our childminder, Chel, that for numerous reasons all determined by C19, we likely wont have access to her until later in the summer. I think this has floored my mood again. And not because of the above admission of needing time to myself or my ambitions to work, but because of something else. The closest I can get to a reason is that it\u2019s another part of normal life that feels so far away. I miss picking Elodie up from her two days a week where she will tell me what she’s done, who she’s seen and to get little behaviour pointers and notes for me to read through. It also deeply saddens me that the childminder, who is honestly the most incredible and selfless lady, is now being so negatively impacted business wise by this bloody pandemic to the point where she doesn’t know if she will recover. She misses her kids, they miss her. Elodie is talking about her less and less because I am worried that if I mention her too much that she\u2019ll get excited to go and hang out with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the absence of Chel I think I am actually doing an ok job at keeping Elodie\u2019s brain firing. I mean I don\u2019t think you have to do too much with a toddler to ignite those little neural pathways and actually my current thoughts are favoured more towards helping to guide her behaviour wise more than anything else. So for now, I am just trying to instinctively follow what she wants to learn next and it\u2019s allllll about letters and numbers just now **checks Amazon order list for when the hell the new magnets are arriving<\/strong>.**<\/p>\n\n\n\n What is becoming clear though is she is absolutely effected by lockdown. On walks she will grab my leg if someone walks towards us. On yesterdays visit to a friends garden, she initially hid behind her straw hat as she gripped tightly around John\u2019s neck. After a while she warms up which is reassuring but I know a lot of you might be experiencing that same thing just now. And I suppose it\u2019s just something we\u2019re going to have to work through when this coronacoaster eventually grinds to a halt and we stagger towards the exit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But for now, I am publishing this blog in hope that it feels like some sort of proper accomplishment for today. Oh and then I\u2019m off to make a vegan lasagne for the first time. I have the fear. It\u2019s going to be grimtown isn’t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vx<\/p>\n\n\n\n Two people have said \u2018coronacoaster\u2019 to me so far today and YES, AIN\u2019T THAT THE TRUTH. Those who follow me on Instagram will know that I\u2019ve been keen to share some stories from mums during lockdown. And I thought that I couldn\u2019t really do that without my own babbling account of it first. So here I am. I\u2019m currently sat in our summerhouse at the bottom of our garden, fresh off the phone to my bestie. I am frequently peering out of the window towards our house to see what\u2019s going on in there. Hubs is stood at the kitchen sink, toddler is in her highchair. It\u2019s lunchtime. Being down here is like pressing the mute button. It all looks pretty peaceful in the house but there is definitely some toddler frustration afoot; the piercing \u2018NO\u2019 and relentless \u2018I want\u2019. \u201cNo darling, we say \u2018i\u2019d like\u2019 or \u2018please can I\u2019\u2026..\u201d. Oh no, not today we don\u2019t. Today is a Wednesday and since I took redundancy, I have tried to maintain a few days a week where I can focus on stuff; finding a job, life admin, sorting our wills out, writing. But focus just now seems like a thing of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3204,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[640,1],"tags":[906,907,916,905,506,915,662,912],"class_list":["post-3201","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenthood","category-uncategorized","tag-coronavirus","tag-covid-19","tag-honest-mum","tag-lockdown","tag-motherhood","tag-mum-blog","tag-parenthood","tag-parenting-lockdown"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.vickygooden.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/img_2786-1.jpg\")
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